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I have a girlfriend but whenever we have foreplay and have sex I usually ejaculate early. What could be the problem? I also have a problem with masturbating too much. Is there a problem with masturbation?

K.

Melissa answers:

Hi K:

No, there’s no real problem with masturbation unless it starts invading the rest of your world and becoming something you obsess about. What I’d suggest you do when you masturbate, however, is learn to slow yourself down by using your non-dominant hand and by concentrating on the pleasure of the movement your hand’s giving you (and not gripping too firmly) rather than coming up with a really hot fantasy to help yourself along.

The goal is to see how long you can go before you orgasm rather than rushing to finish. Masturbating this way can eventually build up your stamina.

Now, with your girlfriend I’d like you to try another technique. First off I want you to make sure that she has an orgasm via oral sex. You want to make sure that she’s really turned on. Next your goal is going to be to bring her to another orgasm using your penis both to masturbate her and occasionally to insert inside her (please please be using protection, not only will you be safer that way, you’ll also cut down on the sensation you feel a bit which will help your cause).

So, first you’re going to ask her to use your penis to rub over her clitoris (make sure you have extra lube on hand as you want her as comfortable as possible) so that you see what she likes. Then you’re going to pick up that same motion and after you rub her for a little bit this way you’re going to insert your penis inside of her for a maximum of three strokes (no more, your goal isn’t to come, it’s to try to bring her to another orgasm). You’re going to go back and forth a few rubs on her clitoris outside the way she likes, then a few strokes inside, pulling out before you orgasm.

If, however, you do orgasm, go back to giving her oral sex, slowly, teasingly, keeping her excited until your erection comes back. Then you’re going to go back to the previous in/out routine I talked about. The big thing to keep in mind is bringing her to another orgasm not getting upset if you come too early. It might take several attempts to really master this technique but the goal should be mutual enjoyment not getting freaked out if you ejaculate before you want to.

For much more indepth sexual techniques please check out the Dating Insider book (see the link below). You can learn how to be the greatest lover any women you date will ever know.

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